Haden Elgin, Suzette. Success with the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense; More on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense

[adult nonfiction]

Suzette Haden Elgin is an applied linguist and science fiction writer whom I learned of from reading her Livejournal. These books--there are several in the GAVSD series, though these were the ones they had at my library--are about how to use language effectively, how to react to verbal attacks, how to defuse conflicts verbally. Her Livejournal posts on the subject should give you an idea of the sorts of things she's talking about.

They're well written and interesting books--and they're very specific, not vague and general. How do you respond to a very awkward question? (With something true and unchallengeable that doesn't actually answer the question. It does seem to work when Bush does it). How do you respond to "If you really loved me..."? If self-help books are judged on whether they actually help you or not, it's a little soon to say whether they had any effect or not. None of the advice given is obvious or self-evident; neither is any of it obviously silly. I'm impressed by, and in agreement with, Haden Elgin when she talks about the metaphors we structure our lives around. I'm less convinced that it really matters to many people whether you say "I see what you mean" or "I hear what you're saying."

I will be trying out the techniques suggested in these books. There's much in here that's useful, or at least that's worth thinking about.